My disillusions with art practice started about ten years ago in which I unconsciously noticed that empathy and the global sufferings or social science of the human condition seemed largely removed from debate within artistic practice. I was going through a major life change reconnecting to artistic practice following over a years solitary confinement due to a paralysing illness, I also had had a car accident post that experience that took four years to bring resolution to. I discovered the Art world was not able to connect or create space for my own needs of exploration and creative expression although I had always believed art to be about self expression and Life with a capital ‘L’.
I struggled with a sense of disconnection and disillusionment, whilst experiencing dysfunction in the dialogue of my artistic practice, even though I had devoted my life to artistic expression. This led me into a personal journey and back in to my heart with a realisation that I transcended boundaries of artistic practice in a way that was not able to be measured, understood or connected to simply because the art world by nature appeared to come from the standpoint of ‘objectification’, a position that created connection to art pieces through desire, seduction and expansion of power, through ‘image’ and ‘object’.
This seemed to represent a mirror of the world at large; the way that power, babel and the image of the body developed around us all added to a practice in the way man ‘creates’, in the image of ‘desire’ leading to ‘object’ and the art object, to architecture around phallism and a social infrastructure based around projection.
It is true to say, that many a time I created for the satisfaction and enjoyment of the creation of the product, thereby a form of narcism, vanity and self gratification. However I found the lust for a slightly different process, in the exploration of beauty without ego, of holding the gaze of an artistic audience through meditative art and by understanding the body and the beauty of the body through the consciousness of the individual not through the projection of ‘man’.
The organic development of my perception and consciousness and the disconnected effect of how ‘Art World Life’ related, seemed to be represented through a different value than my core belief of understanding; that artistic practice was a vessel for Creation and Life to channel through me and other artists. I found I was alone in this core belief, even though it had stemmed from my childhood.
The exploration of understanding of how this core belief was so out of alignment with the art world, led me on into a journey to transcend the physical and enter the realm of the spiritually sublime; A world of magic, vision and infinite possibility through a passive relationship with the creator of Life and the God consciousness which channeled through me, to allow a oneness of natural Creation. I therefore became a bridging point or Avatar in the relationship to God and Creation. A channel for universal consciousness and the Creator. I worked with my ascended masters and the I AM consciousness, I became all and nothing at once.
I realised that everything we strive to become is everything we are not at peace with, and through our work, we are often feeding a system that is incomplete, that objectifies, analyses, judges, in fact the narcism is projected from all of society not only individuals. To step out of these processes is to live in simpleness; to let go of concepts, to let go of the status, a need for visibility and power, of creating objects from desire, it is to simply sit with the Creator and allow the Creator to express.
To sit in peace, in stillness and to not judge, criticise objectify, change the world but to simply be with the Creator allowing the energy to flow through you; The energy of peace to breath and to connect with divinity through the portals of the heart, by appreciating the inner beauty of another, by seeing their physical beauty as a manifestation of something sublime, of making love, and of simply appreciating Life.
I began to realise that by owning myself as an Avatar, I was Creation, this was the channel of life being created through me and connecting to Life all around me. The feeling of deep peace led me to realise that ‘need’ was only created through lack of acceptance of the bigger picture and the way the wheels of life can turn to allow evolution to develop as a more fascinating phenomena than ever. I realised by feeding a system, the art world, business world, government, corporate systems, I was filling up the gaps of dysfunction, I was expressing the parts of me that were incomplete, unavailable, fractured, split, displaced. By feeding those parts, I was feeding my own split of personality, consciousness. I had become two people, one spiritual one artistic, by allowing that manifestation I was simply allowing myself to be victimised by objectification, desire and the corporation of creation. I had developed practice in ‘reading art’ that was demonstrated by a profound ability to read the philosophy of Life through the tarot cards, I could talk about art works and see their psychometry, connect to their genesis, their creator through channeling about the artist and God consciousness, I was able to communicate beyond, yet within the art world, I wasn’t heard as I was experiencing the limits of objectification.
I realised all there is here and that no matter what we give ourselves to or who we give ourselves to, we don’t need to do or be anything more in our wholeness. When in our wholeness we are all there is, how we survive, live and pay bills is about the lack projected from a society surrounded by objectivism, desire and narcism. In which the world often operates for the individualism of self empowerment.
The question I was led to ask myself was, do I continue to feed this? knowing it comes from a place of lack, or do I sit in the wonder and gaze of all that is, allowing the peace of Life to express itself through me in stillness?
I decided to trust in ‘Divine Will’ allowing myself to be guided by a bigger force and how other Avatars catalyse and inform me, allowing my body and being ‘to be’ the Avatar of Direction, Creativity and Consciousness.
Words/Photo Amanda McGregor November 2011